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Beer:30 - Internet ConfessionalsHouston, We Have A Drinking Problem September 30 Laying The Beat Down What can I say, craigslist is great. It's because of this Web site that I am now the owner of a Pearl Export Series Drum Set. At first this felt like a frivolous purchase to me. It's something that I've wanted since I can remember, but it's been one of those pipe dream wants that you never seriously think you'll get. But then craigslist came along.
Since then, I've been hitting the skins, laying down some phat beats. Yeah, I realize I just said fat with a 'ph'. It's shit like that, that reminds me that I'll never, ever be cool.
Once I had found out that the drum set was mine, two realities set in: 1) I now had a legitimate reason to own drumsticks and 2) the set was in Everett, which is fucking far away. The first item was wiped out over lunch. The second task, however, required well more than a 30 minute window.
Going to Everett meant a couple things. For starters, I couldn't get there until after work, which nowadays (counting the bus ride), would put me there around 7:30PM. Most normal people would guess that traffic at 7:30 would be light to nothing. This too was my understanding, prior to moving to Seattle. Since then I-5 has taught me a few things: 1) the left lane isn't necessarily the fastest and 2) it could be jackoff hour and still be stop-n-go traffic.
I'm expected to work, ride the bus and drive to and from Everett with no sustenance? Clearly, this couldn't do. Thankfully, I'm in Seattle, which means that I can find a coffee shop easier than a restroom. Sure enough, I step off the bus and low and behold, ye olde coffee shope, purveyor of overpriced pastries and wake-up juice.
I walk in said shop and look over the menu. I have no idea why I do this because I know exactly what I want before I open the door. It's like I'm entertaining them or something, when all I want is a medium drip coffee. Typically this exchange is quick. "What can I get you today?", she says. My token reply is, "Hmm, well, what drip coffee do you have?" For some reason I always ask this even though I've already taken the time to spy what drip they're serving. Not only that, but for some reason most places have two types of drip coffee: one that sucks and one that doesn't.
One variety is guarenteed to be decaf. I actually know people who like decaf, which completely baffles me. It's like drinking non-alcholic beer, if you're gonna drink shit, what's the point? My selection is easy; I tell her to hook me up with a medium house blend. She relies, "Room for cream?" I always say yes and wince. Again, if you put creamer in your coffee, paricularly to the point where it looks like chocolate milk, you shouldn't be drinking coffee. This shit is the black blood of the earth. Fucking enjoy it or step off.
While she's getting me my drip, the Barista at the other end of the cafe shouts out, "Grande non-fat 1/2 soy iced decaf mocha, extra cream." I instantly realize that the person who ordered before me is a huge asshole. He's a guy with medium-length blonde hair, perfect teeth and stone washed jeans. Seattle has made me realize one, largely unknown scientific fact: how big of an asshole you are is a function of who complicated your coffee is. Yes, I legitimately used the word 'function', I know total nerd...
The first thing that crossed my mind was, "If his coffee is this rediculous, I'd hate to pick a pick a restuarant with this motherfucker." Seriously. I get my coffee, settle with the Barista and head over to the 'coffee station'. This is basically a bar that provides more condiments than McDonalds. I reach for the sugar - the only thing I give a damn about - but WHOA, I get cut off by Blondie. Normally, I'm a laid back person, but I've got two things working against me: Blondie and a serious need for some caffeine.
Instantly, I think that if I was forced to fight one person right now, I'd fight this dude. At the same time I think about how much Cassie hates it when I say shit like that. She says, "You always say that; you're so full of shit." I can't disagree.
Finally the sugar is relinquished and I'm on A-street. Within the first few sips, I can feel that shit hit my veins. The sudden rush and invigoration. At this point I'm pretty jacked up; I'm going to get a drum set and I just got a coffee fix.
The drive to Everett turned out to be more benign than I anticipated. After shelling out five benjis, the car was packed with a gray-black drum set. Like a kid at Christmas, I unloaded the relic into a spare room into my basement. Without saying, it's damn cool. It's official; I've been promoted from Music Snob PFC to MJR Music Asshole. August 27 Let's take this pony for a ride...If we drop the bomb sideways,
Won't have to see where it lands,
To keep ourselves out of trouble,
We'd have to cut off our hands,
But we can't spare any knives,
Let's take this pony for a ride....
It's finally happened. The Divorce have dropped their long awaited sophmore effort, "The Gifted Program." For anyone who knows me, it goes without saying that The Divorce has been my favorite band the last year or so. For those who are unfamiliar, here's the elevator pitch for these guys:
The Divorce are a young, Seattle-based band who have managed to rework new wave, punk rock and brit-pop with clever lyrics and well thought out song writing, resulting in ultrahip indie rock.
By far, these guys have some of the best potential of any local Seattle group. If they sold stock, I'd be buying. I was able to take their new record for a test drive. For anyone who rocked out to their first, ground breaking record, "There Will Be Blood Tonight", you'll be pleased with their most recent offering.
With the recent addition of a new guitarist, The Divorce are coming into their own. Their sound is more refined and their direction is much clearer. The new record sports the same well written songs and smart lyrics found on the prior release, but it's obvious that the band is more mature. On this release we find a band who's found their niche, who's doing things completely on their terms.
The only advice I have for these guys is that they should shy away from the long, slow ballad songs. I'm totally for the "Don't knock it until you've tried it" approach, so kudos for walking down a different path, but um, don't do it anymore.
If anyone's interested, they're having a CD release party on September 9th, at the Crocodile, in Seattle. The Croc's a 21+ only venue, plus it's as small as a shoebox, and will be a great place to hear the new material live.
All we wanted was to make you dance,
All we asked you for was just a chance,
To drain your blood and fill up with gas,
And leave you beggin' us to light the match... July 01 As good a time as any...Well, I figure it's as good a time as any to fire up the Blog
again. Yeah, I know I've been a pretty lame bitch about updating
this thing, but between work and the 5 minutes I have to myself
everyday, it's hard to keep updating it. So, you're probably wondering, WTF is PJ going to post now? I'm glad you asked... So I'm heading to Chicago for the 4th of July to see my family and crash at my brother, Zach's, place for a few days. And right now, as I type, I'm stuck in SeaTac airport. That's right, my ass should be airbourne right now and instead I'm making this blog post, making some small talk with some wierd guy who won't shut up. So let's just start, shall we? I've finally hit the breaking point with these goddamn airlines. I can't take it anymore! I'm trying to hit a straight-forward flight to Chicago from Seattle and as soon as I get to the gate, they announce a 2 hour delay due to air traffic problems. Shit, I could've gotten some extra Z's this morning or watched the idiot box for awhile, but no, I have to listen to some lady in a jumpsuit tell me the sky's too crowded. The worst part is, I think they're blowing smoke up my ass. Come on?! The sky's too crowded?!?! At least make up something that seems more serious like 'Sorry folks the wing fell off and we have to weld it back on.' The travel industry is huge; there's a lot of money to be made. Which is why I don't understand how/why airlines can fuck up ALL the time. Maybe that is the reason. Take any other industry. If you were to try to sell something that constantly broke, you'd find your ass flipping burgers. If I consistenly showed up to work late, they'd fire my ass. I think we just need someone to come in here and really monotize the airline industry, and not just make money, but actually deliver. Aside from what I consider the most piss-ant service in the world, if there's one other thing that really jerks my chain are these random people who somehow by the fate of God have some reason to strike up dialog with you, then won't quit! Am I holding up a sign that says 'If you're bored, talk to me.'?! Shit, I didn't come to the airport to make friends! I'm trying to get somewhere, damn it! I guess part of it's my own fault... I entertain these fools by actually talking back. You know, I just try to be nice and look what happens. About that only thing that's worse than all of this is sitingt next to a fat guy who's sweating like mad and keeps asking if you want your peanuts. I guess it could be worse.... Flying the friendly skies, PJL January 23 Separation of Dumbasses and StateSo right before the holidays, some dude in the greater Seattle area protested the presence of a Giving Tree inside one of the public offices around here. You know what I mean right, one of those Christmas trees, used for charity, that has a bunch of tags on it and people grab a tag and buy the gift on it? So this guy was an atheist and didn't like a Christmas tree - a symbol of the Christian Holiday - on display in the public arena. His argument, you ask? Separation of Church and State. Usually shit like this doesn't bother me that much. As Americans, there's one thing that all of us have in common and it sure as fuck isn't religion. It's the Constitution; the Bill of Rights. First off, I think it's important to remind people that the reason people first came to America was to avoid religous persecution. It was painfully obvious, particularly in England, that mixing government with religion was a fucking bad combination. From the get-go, the United States was founded with a clear separation of Church and State. Why some people can't grasp this, I'll never know. First off, there are two types of people in this basic argument. Actually make that three. You are either: 1) one of those people who hates religous symbols anywhere in government. 2) one of those ultra-religious people who think everyone's going to burn in hell. 3) one of those people who's somewhere in between, trying to figure out what the fuck's the big deal. Well kids, despite what your friends have told you, here's how it works. The basic concept of separation of Church and State is that there should be no state-sponsored religion. Meaning that the government should never be an advocate of any religion, nor should religion ever dictate state decisions. Period. That doesn't mean, however, that the government can't have or use religious symbols. The gest of separation of Church and State is that the Church shoudn't influence our legislation or be able to leverage political power. Give me a break, we've been using religions symbols in our government since day one. It's on our currency, in our pledges and on display in our public offices. But it doesn't mean that the Church is pulling the strings. So to the guy who protested the Giving Tree, I say back off. Fuck, it's for charity! I also find, with great irony, that the Christmas Tree originated from a Pagan symbol. Make no mistake my friends, there's a reason why Christmas is when it is. It convienently helps cover up a Pagan Holiday - the winter solstice. And for the uber-religious folk out there, believe what you want to believe, but keep it the fuck out of the government. Shit, as far as I'm concerned you people are no different than the extremist Islamists out there. Both of you stain the religion you "claim" to represent. And if you guys have such a hard-on to have a government ran by the church - like Saudi Arabia or Iran - please do us all a favor and get the fuck out of here. Now. Row your sweet, oily asses to some island and start your own country. And for the people somewhere in between these two extremes, buy a Giving Tree gift, have a beer and consider yourself lucky for not being as fucked up as some people out there. January 16 Christmas in... NEW JERSEYWell, it's been awhile. Another Holiday Season come and gone. Christmas back in Indiana this year was good, but brief. We spent three days in Peru and three days in Newberry, then back to Seattle we went. Or so we thought. I can't say for sure how or why it happened, but our flight plans took us from Seattle to New Jersey to Indianapolis. What's that you say? New Jersey's completely out of the way? NO SHIT! The problem wasn't the trip to Indiana, but the trip home to Seattle. Our flight got delayed out of Indy and as luck would have it, we missed our connecting flight in New Jersey. Normally this wouldn't be such a big deal, but in case you live in a hole or don't pay attention to the news, traveling this Holiday Season was bad. Bad as in you'd rather die than ever have to go through such an ordeal. So to make a long story short, we spent over two days stranded in New Jersey's lovely Newark Airport. Sorry guys, Christmas is great but I'll be damned if I ever go through that again. We'll drop by for the fourth of July or something... Otherwise Christmas was good. Santa hooked us up and we got to see a lot of friends and family. Despite our Holiday travesty, I was able to salvage a few moments of pleasure while back in Indiana. You can thank Luke for these. For starters, I had no idea how flexible the 'F-word' was. Why don't they teach this stuff in English? I was also very amused by this analysis of how the world's going to end. December 20 The 12 STIs of ChristmasIt is afterall the season of giving, so without further ado, here's The 12 STIs of Christmas. I think Cassie showed me this last year, but it's definitely worth a repost. Happy Holidays! December 13 Never listen to talking squirrelsThere's nothing quite like computer tech support from India or a cup of joe from Starschmuck's coffee. It's also hard to pass up rants on the Fat-kins diet, fast food, cell phones and speaking English. Enjoy. |
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